Girl Behind the Fence: Anger

Download or read book Girl Behind the Fence: Anger written by Mozelle Martin, Ph.D. and published by Mozelle Martin Press. This book was released on 2018-11-01 with total page 118 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It may surprise you to know that 70% of human behavior is based on emotions, not logic. In fact, it is very easy to get increasingly irritated at people, places, and things. ​As an example, does any of this scenario sound familiar? It’s Monday morning and you are ready to face the day. Everything at home is calm – pets are happy, coffee is ready, your hair and make-up turned out great, and you look and feed good. You get in the car and slowly and methodically enter the parking lot otherwise known as morning rush hour. You finally get some open space and, as you move into the fast lane, a very slow driver creeps out in front of you. As you hit the brakes with required force, you take a deep breath, think a few unkind things, but try to let it go. At lunch time, the retired guy in front of you is bitchin’ about the one-too-many pickles he got on his burger, and now you are running late. You decide to eat on the way back to the office, only to find your order is completely wrong. How dare that inconsiderate old man ruin your lunch over a damn pickle – I bet he couldn’t really taste the difference anyway! With no time to go back to the restaurant, you turn on the radio to invite a pleasant distraction only to hear about a highway shooter, racial rant, or political attack. As you continue on, all you can think about is how your whole day has been ruined by idiots. Unfortunately, a version of this story is all too common for many, which makes it that much easier to feel the anger around us – from our own children and spouse, to our parents, siblings, co-workers, and even complete strangers. Animal lovers are angry because people eat meat, vegans are angry because of Monsanto, dancers are angry because a non-dancer was chosen for their event poster, environmentalists are angry because of developers, young mothers are angry over immunizations, and the list goes on. Yet, anger - which is characterized by a feeling of antagonism toward someone or something that you feel has deliberately done you wrong - is not always bad. In fact, angry feelings often provide the motivation needed to solve social issues such as gender inequality, the environment, minimum or stagnant wages, taxes, and student loans. This was the case with many historical figures such as Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, and Mahatma Gandhi. Science has shown us that nothing exists without it’s opposite. Unfortunately, science has also shown us some disturbing facts. Recently, through extensive research on the topic of anger, The Mental Health Organization, Gallup Polls, Duke University, National Mental Health Institute, and others have openly shared these statistics: 64% of the population view the world as an increasingly-angry place. 32% of the population has a close friend or family member with out-of-control anger. 12% of the population admits to having trouble controlling their own anger. 28% of the population admits they are worried about their current level of anger. 20% of couples have ended in divorce because of the behavior of the angry partner during the outburst. Only 13% of those with out-of-control anger have actually sought help for it. 58% of angry people don’t know where to seek help in their communities. 84% of the population agrees that angry people should seek help for their anger. 62% of those who did seek help with anger, did so from counselors, therapists, and medical professionals - not friends or family members. 10% of adults have a long history of explosive anger and have access to a firearm. This significantly increases the risk when anger develops. 8% of adolescents up to age 12 are diagnosed with a mental illness known as “intermittent explosive disorder” which is three times more common in boys than girls. This is usually inherited from a mother who has a history of high anxiety. Without treatment, this continues into adulthood. Of these diagnosed adolescents, 6.5% were treated for their anger while the others were treated for depression or substance abuse. 80% of drivers admitted to road rage. Of these: 51% tailgated, 45% honked, 33% used angry gestures, 47% yelled, 24% blocked the lanes, 12% cut another driver off, 4% physically got out of the car to approach the other driver, and 3% rammed into the other driver's vehicle. Many used several of these in the same occurrence. Additionally, the majority of the 80% are from states with four distinct seasons. Most aggressive acts are committed by males between 19 – 39 years old. Males are three times more likely than females to act on anger. One-third of all deaths by firearm are homicides. Regardless of age, gender or geographical location, anger is cumulative. You may be able to control your anger 10 times but, on the 11th time when something seemingly small occurs, you erupt out of control. While it is nice to know that research has verified these facts that help us increase our own personal and community awareness, science also proves we mellow as we age. In other words, as our anxiety calms down, so does our anger which allows us to become more conscientious, agreeable, accepting, responsible, compassionate, and emotionally stable. All of this information is interesting BUT do you really want to walk around another 20, 30 or 40 years feeling this way? ​ Likely not. That is why this book exists… to help you stop sabotaging jobs, relationships, and happiness. It takes a strong desire and willingness to do the work that can change your angry attitude and the benefits are worth it. Unfortunately, anger can become habitual in one's brain and that's why it is hard work. The goal with this book is to share personal stories, tips, and tools to help you successfully make it to your elder years. Once there, biology will take over and do the work for you. FIND OUT IF YOU COULD BENEFIT FROM RECEIVING HELP FOR YOUR ANGER: (1) Do you get angry over small things, or even for no obvious reason at all? (2) Do you have a difficult time not thinking about whatever or whoever made you angry? (3) When you feel angry, do you wish to break something or beat someone up? (4) Do you easily get irritated when people do not understand you? (5) Do you embarrass family, friends, or coworkers with angry outbursts? (6) Do you get irritated when people in front of you drive the exact speed limit? (7) Do you easily get irritated when people do things they shouldn't like go barefoot in the store, smoke in a non-smoking area, or have more than 10 items in the express checkout lane? (8) Do you yell or curse when irritated but not do so when you are in a good mood? (9) Do you get easily frustrated when machines/equipment or technology breaks or does not work as expected? (10) Do you get irritated when people take advantage of you or when people are "idiots" (incompetent)? The more "yes" answers you have, the more you are struggling with anger issues. Inside of this book are the stories of 18 women who, just like you, have felt consumed by anger. Contrary to popular belief, anger is neither good nor bad; it is your reaction that matters most. Did you know that suppressing your anger can also be destructive to your health? Yet as we already viewed, expressing anger constructively can be a powerful catalyst for change. ​The personal insights, tips, and tools in this book can help you put the brakes on your anger just when you need it most.